My family does not believe I am a victim of domestic violence

My own mum asked her: “Why are you living with him?” (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

My ex-partner was almost perfect on paper. Unlike me, she takes care of her body and maintains a perfect home.

Educated, funny, and intelligent, she was indeed a beautiful woman, at least in appearance.

But the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial reminded me of a truth about her that I didn’t know before we got married in the early 2000s—the anger burning inside her.

The trial, and the reports surrounding it, brought back many tragic memories of abusive marriages.

My ex-partner often called me “c***”, threw things at me, and even hit me occasionally.

I’ve never done any of these things to her and I don’t want to go into detail because it’s too painful to recall.

But the psychological abuse was the worst aspect – she kept bringing me down so she could control me.

It seems that control is the key to understanding the conflict between Depp and Heard.

Like them, my ex-partner and I got married after a whirlwind romance, others saw few warning signs, but we were in love.

However, a month after we were married, I had my first tantrum at her temper. I’ve never seen anything like this before, and haven’t seen anyone else since.

I felt like I made a mistake and that feeling never went away.

No matter how beautiful she is on the surface, after seeing that face twisted with anger, I never want to have sex with her again.

In fact, I don’t think she is attractive at all. Although the outsiders are still going on, my previous superficial attitude towards beauty has also changed.

Inside, I’m dying

In hindsight, she robbed me of the inferiority complex rooted in my childhood and made me feel like I was deserve it abuse.

Compared to most men, I’m very expressive about how I feel, but I have a manly part that doesn’t want to reveal the depths of my despair, not even to close friends, for fear that I’ll be seen as a “coward” “‘.

She shut down many of my friendships and was even jealous of my friendships with other men.

I wear it fine, for example at family events, but inside, I’m dying.

I ended up having a severe psychotic episode – which I believe was triggered by her – and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I have to say she was supportive on a practical level when I was in and out of a safe mental illness unit for a few years in the late 2000s.

The narrative of my immediate family is always her standing by my side. I guess I don’t give them much reason to believe because I try to survive.

My own mother asked her, “Why do you live with him?”

We did have some tough circumstances to deal with, especially not having kids, although we ended up being lucky enough to get there about nine years ago

I thought she would settle down after our baby was born. But she didn’t. She got worse and also took on the mantle of being an overworked, underappreciated mother.

She used our daughter as a weapon.

In fact, when I told her “I’ve had enough” one night about seven years ago, her immediate screaming response was, “Well, don’t think you’re going to touch our daughter unsupervised. .”

My biggest crime was trying to change my ex

Our 16 years together nearly killed me, but I was shocked and dismayed to have my family on her side when I left, giving me the feeling of being framed for a crime I didn’t commit .

Some of these family rifts will never fully heal, such as my sister not even willing to listen to my story while maintaining a close relationship with my ex-partner.

Or maybe my mom still believes she has the perfect daughter-in-law, even though she at least respects my decision to leave.

You might be wondering what this has to do with Johnny Depp’s victory – I don’t want it to be a landmark ruling against women. Every case should be judged on its merits.

I would go a step further and say that it is a reasonable assumption that most domestic abuse is perpetrated by men on women.

If I’m being honest, a part of me is probably going to get my ex-partner through it like Depp did with Hurd.

But even if I had hundreds of millions of pounds and hundreds of millions of followers like him, I would never do it.

Even if he technically loses the case, he will damage her career and reputation. But I have a daughter and my ex-partner to consider.

Thank God Depp and Heard didn’t have children.

Without hesitation, I put my hands up and say that I played my part in the failure of my marriage. But my biggest crime was just trying to change my ex-partner.

I know “winning” an argument is the wrong way to look at things, but try to “lose” every time. every time.

Before I was with her, I prided myself on my honesty, but I ended up trying to lie because her reaction made no difference whether I told her it was false or true.

I did not do that a lot of Incorrect.

I am trying to solve our problem myself. But that just caused her to go the extra mile and let me down. I’m beyond my depth.

I’m still haunted by what she put me through

I once went to the Waterstone store and bought a book on anger management after my ex-partner got mad at me many times.

The man behind the counter gave me a look and gave me slyly, no charge, maybe feeling my pain from my broken expression.

Then I found an article online about five years ago titled: How Emotionally Abusive Women Control You: The Fear of Loss and the Need for Approval.

This makes sense to me. And it wasn’t written by someone like the Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson. It was written by a female professor.

That’s when I really started to understand that this posturing was just a manifestation of my ex’s control freak.

How do you get these people to control the impulses they control? I think she wants to control everything and everyone around her because she can’t control herself.

Years after being away from her, I’m still haunted by what she put me through and still put me through to a degree, but I’m sure I now have a place to lick my wounds and heal.

Earlier this year, I finally got on the phone with a charity for male victims of domestic abuse and got two main messages from a two-hour conversation with a female counselor.

The first is that my story is surprisingly common. The second is that, after years of trying, they haven’t even begun to understand why these women are doing it.

Not a reassuring thought, but well worth knowing

It was this talk therapy that helped me embrace it, and it happened to be what I recommended to Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.

Do you have any stories you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.

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