Celtics’ Jayson Tatum is NBA’s most boring superstar

As of press time, the poor Boston Celtics are leading the not-so-poor Golden State Warriors 2-1 in the NBA Finals.This series has Suck. Three games, three blowouts. The Golden State Warriors inevitably had a wave of offense, using a swarming, suffocating defense at a disadvantage against a team full of young players.

Once a two-way horror in the NBA, the Golden State Warriors seem to have come here through the force of habit, with the Western Conference beneficiary of a group of teams too young or cursed to take on Boston in a showdown. Draymond Green, one of the preeminent talents in league history, is relaxing, his body can’t manipulate the space of the game like it used to. Klay Thompson has been out of the box for a long time and looks rusted. The Warriors’ supporting cast is… eclectic? Strange? Inconsistent? weird? Two disappointing No. 1 picks, NBA WD-40 Jordan Poole and Andre Iguodala collected some odd old man minutes out of sheer respect, and it wasn’t exactly the 2014 Spurs The killer on the bench.

Stephen Curry, the most innovative NBA player since Kareem, has been the team’s lone bright spot, driving and training 3-pointers with incredible precision, bent on beating the Celtics on his own, While others struggle with ageing bins. If you can convince yourself of its prospects, it’s because of his amazing talent, yes, but also because of the devastating dullness of the teams he faces. The Warriors made it to the Finals on pure entropy, but the Celtics’ road to this point was somehow worse. Two seven-game series against teams nursing catastrophic injuries, surviving an embarrassing comeback, a rote, uninspired system ball that should have been rejected by the playoffs. Challenge filtered out.

The best player on the Celtics is Jayson Tatum. Tatum is a big wing who handles, scores, and passes. Curry opened the door and forever changed the perception of what works on the basketball court, and Tatum seems to have been designed by someone trying to create a completely non-aggressive, functional “basketball star” — A boring combination of better-than-average skills, all working towards victory. When your team drafts a player, he’s everything you want and nothing else.

For years I’ve fooled myself into insisting that he’s overrated, but I’m convinced by what he’s accomplished over the years.Jayson Tatum is Excellent NBA players. But frustratingly, he’s also insanely rote, lacking the sense of madness that audiences want from great athletes. The dullness that Tatum creates all the time should not be rewarded. It should be killed and relegated to the bench. It should play for 10 years, then retire comfortably and never show up again. And yet, it’s here, and he’s here: Mediocrity itself lives a life under the sun and is just two wins away from an NBA championship.

Why watch sports? If you ask me, it’s the kind of stress and madness that takes the lunatics who manage to elevate themselves into its orbit, pushing themselves to the absolute limits of physical exertion and spatial creativity for two paltry points; the genius of the day When digging out of impossible situations through will and special intellectual powers; when an athlete seems to be warping reality. Great NBA players have something in their game that defies logic and impresses audiences. I could list these little things for hours. LeBron’s jump shot is so high that it looks like he’s been jury-rigged. The obscene improv genius of Nikola Jokic. Curry’s shot is so precise that if you think about it for too long, you get upset. It’s unnatural, biomechanical. Durant’s limbs, longer than you might think, are languid and flexed at rest, but controlled and graceful in movement. Giannis, once a lovable, smoothie-loving teenager, is now like an inescapable force, a 7-foot cannonball with pure, straightforward movements that always look like it’s going downhill.

Even irritants can make you Feel something. Draymond isn’t what he is now, but it’s puzzling to watch him gobble up space with just his wingspan and space instinct when he’s the best defender in the league. James Harden is a high-level con man who abuses the law of the court, but the way he controls his body to manage this scam is nothing short of pure genius. Chris Paul plays like Napoleon on the hardwood and fights for every inch of edge he can manage. These people drive you crazy, but they make you feel something – they twist yourself and the world. They distort reality for the sake of the game, and they make you feel something in the process.

Tatum isn’t distorting reality. He’s big enough, skilled enough, and aware enough of what a basketball team needs to do on the court, and he does it without bending over. Every basketball problem is a dying knot, and he’s a sword that falls on it, one after the other toward eternity. Kick off, dribble, shoot, score, defend and more.

He’s not even unique in this regard. Clippers forward Kawhi Leonard is also on a quest to make basketball easier. But at least Kawhi is politely acting like a giant geek, the board member of your nightmares, devouring his opponent without burping or blinking.

Tatum is normal. Get up normally, behave normally throughout the day, play basketball normally, sleep normally. He had nothing to catch. Here we are, however, Tatum is two wins away from being the most accomplished player of his generation, surpassing Slovenian talent Luka Doncic, annoying shooter Devin Booker, Jokic, and others Some of the better, more active players, with all the gameplay and atmosphere so boring that the only stylistic adjective that applies to his entire project is “fluid”, which is just a euphemism for boring.

But for some, this little twist of fortune is enough. because some people many People don’t watch sports because of the reality-distorting magic of the human body. They watch sports because they like to win. They like to win – to see it, to predict it. They like to associate themselves with victory so that when someone wins, they can grab the victory and absorb some of the victor’s energy for themselves.When a wild game happened and Jimmy Butler, a self-made hero, broke into the NBA from Juko Swamp, he came mm Aside from getting up from the grave and throwing the Celtics in the trash forever, they don’t remember Butler and don’t care about Butler — they care about wins, winners, and they attribute some mysterious power to their frailty Victory, no matter how dull or tedious it is to anyone looking at it with an eye for aesthetics.

Here we are, however, Tatum is two wins away from being the most accomplished paper player of his generation…all the games and vibes are so boring that the only style that applies to his entire program The adjective is “fluid,” which is just boring euphemism.

For these people, celebrating Tom Brady and the raucous crowd of Jeter, who rant on TV with dreary narrations of greatness or moments or whatever, Jayton Tatum was made in the lab to Satisfy their hedonistic pursuit of living in the triumph of another. He has all the good marks of a dull athlete, filling the shallow heart of a winning fan. He played for the Boston Celtics, a team with a history of greatness, even if that greatness was mostly won by someone who had a low opinion of the fans in front of him.

He was obsessed with Kobe Bryant, a player who built a Hall of Fame career by imitating his style of play, proving that Michael Jordan is the greatest talent in basketball history. Before Game 1, he sent a text to Kobe’s number, even though Kobe was no longer alive, and posted this text on his social channels:

Tatum paid so much attention to Bryant that he wore the Bryant armband in Game 7 against the Heat, even though the Celtics were considered to be the Lakers’ nemesis.

No one in Boston is as crazy because they win and if you trap most Lakers and Celtics fans in the truth zone, they’ll admit that as long as their team isn’t involved, they want the other team to succeed , because they don’t really support the “team” itself, but the abstract great— The idea of ​​domination perpetuated in the two teams’ irritating finals victories. They support an order that puts their decades-long eccentric rivalry above the rest of the league, floats above Hyperroy, and sees the situation of other more interesting teams and players in the league as their own The different worlds of owning don’t have to be considered. Tatum, a utterly uninteresting winner, is the perfect embodiment of this kind of sports conservatism, a brutal hierarchy that throws away aesthetics or ethos in a rush to think your foundational interests will get better.

Before joining the Celtics, Tatum played for Duke University, the fruit of the poisonous tree in Duke basketball. win forever. A team rewarded with victories for dozens of the most hated basketball players of all time and a student district full of boisterous private school kids. Duke’s brand isn’t about joy, it’s not fun, it’s not about exploring the secrets of the universe. The brand is “victory,” and exercise is always the least fun thing to do for those living in the brain that aren’t fully ensnared by a needy, itchy limbic system. Tatum, who could become the first Duke alumnus to win Finals MVP this year, clinched the victory in a poor series after a tedious playoff run against a series of compromised opponents. In this case, he would be the man of the prophecy, the top Dooky, whose life was spent as a conduit for uninteresting, practical victory. May Stephen Curry, a true sports genius, rise from the quagmire of his broken, stumbling team and let this false savior fall into the sea.


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